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Sept 15, 2005 0:41:48 GMT 6
Post by whitepepper on Sept 15, 2005 0:41:48 GMT 6
Long hair is such a pain in the neck hehe. But then, people do A LOT to appear pretty
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Sept 15, 2005 10:45:42 GMT 6
Post by Finlip on Sept 15, 2005 10:45:42 GMT 6
Becky, can I have the url?
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Sept 15, 2005 17:02:51 GMT 6
Post by Becky on Sept 15, 2005 17:02:51 GMT 6
ya...and all those surgeries and stuff too, can you believe that?? Geez!! sure, proffessor..i wanted to paste it here earlier..but decided not to, cuz you knw..i thought it'd be inappropriate or soemthing...nyways..here's the link SUPERGODDESS FORUM (click here)
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Sept 15, 2005 17:18:41 GMT 6
Post by Finlip on Sept 15, 2005 17:18:41 GMT 6
It can't be inappropriate, specially since its a proboards forum. And you could have at least written it in your profile.
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Sept 16, 2005 3:01:42 GMT 6
Post by Becky on Sept 16, 2005 3:01:42 GMT 6
sure thing then...THANKS A LOT!!
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Sept 22, 2005 18:27:43 GMT 6
Post by Becky on Sept 22, 2005 18:27:43 GMT 6
Somebody told me a few days back. "You're too scrwed up!" ..I disagreed then. 4 days, and the way I see things has changed. Fear brings me back to reality, Fear helps me be a BETTER ME. Fear keeps me in boundaries, FEAR makes me RESPONSIBLE. I did not own this fear then, but now I do. At first, the fear was overwhelming, I was afraid, very afraid..I couldn't think well, I didn't see my future...and all I saw was my mistakes...the repeated mistakes. Then came my parent's affection towards me...it just totally changed my point of view on things...I realised no matter how much scrwed up I am, No matter how negligent I have become, no matter how I end up...they will always love me, and they will never leave me. Friends will come and go, opportunities the same way...but my family, they will always be there for me ..In MY HIGHS AND LOWS...they will always LOVE and BE WITH ME. I had taken everything for granted. JUST EVERYTHING. My priorities, my responsibilities, I had BECOME BLIND AND SENSELESS. I was a FOOL...I am no longer afraid to say it. I was running away from things... and instead I took shelter in anything sugar-coated or Plastic! I longed for Fake things, I longed for things that don't have names...but NOT ANYMORE! I have years ahead of me, and I am still too young...I know I can change the damage that I have caused. All I need is PATIENCE. Excessive drinking, getting angry at momma' and Pa for no reasons, shouting and screaming at them, all that lies, never did anything that I'm supposed to,...I am Sorry for all of that. Now that I have realised what is really precious and what is not, I will work hard to revive the beauties that I had let go of.
Every morning, I see the little girl sitting their in the pavement with a weigh measuring machine, it says only Rs.2 . She recognizes me now..she always greets me with a smile and I smile back...It feels so fresh..and there's nothing phoney about that.. That is precious. And there's this dog that I see every day. HE stays really close to the road, he is no longer afraid that he might be run over by a car or anything else. People ignore him..and he ignores people. Maybe, trying too much for affection and not getting anything, has taught him a lesson. The whole morning he stays there, unaware of what's going on around...he lives in his OWN world, own dreams..dreams that will never come true for him. All that sight melts my heart, but those are the things that will keep me reminding that I should not take anything for granted. There's a lot more I can do to make Things better. I was scrwed up, I told myself always, that I was scrwed up...but I was foolish to think so...I am not scrwed up...I was just too afraid to deal with the facts...I wanted to stay ignorant...but that only made me A LOSER. And I don't wanna be a LOSER. The old lady smiled today, as I gave her 10 bucks...she even recognized me while I walked back the same road...blessings blessings, she said!... You knw something, I was repeating last time that I'M EVIL..AND I REALLY WANTED TO BELIEVE THAT...but the truth is, I was only trying to HIDE FROM THE FOES... Well, not anymore..I am not Evil. And I will never be Evil. I donot know how long this feeling would last, or if I will be able to keep up with the things that I've said..but one thing is for sure, I will atleast TRY... there is hope..and the sun and moon will always shine for all of us...
*the only people who suffer, can grow into Beauty!*
-Becky.
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Sept 25, 2005 17:38:59 GMT 6
Post by Becky on Sept 25, 2005 17:38:59 GMT 6
SATURDAY, 24TH SEPTEMBER Woke up really really early today, and then I went to Swayambhu...Saru came along with me...didn't stay there for long though...we came back as soon as I lit the lights.. on the way back, saw this monkey carrying a little baby monkey..the baby was dead...it was so sad...still' the mother monkey was carrying it..mother and child...what a beautiful relationship.. half way to Saru's home..and another awful sight, a naked man on the ROAD...right infront of me..Saru pulled me before he came on to me...Gross!! well, then I came back home..was very hungry and Tired...so I had my lunch..and 'SLEPT FOR WHOLE 2 HRS! then'..i woke up..feeling really Dizzy and alchi...still' feeling alchi...tried to find pinnochio's cell no. ..but I guess, I lost it...*yawns*.... Had a chat with Piggie for a while, I'm phoebe re...LoL..and he's Joey re... Kush chahe Chandler re...hahah..LoL...that one I totally agree, but me phoebe? heheh...that's F-U-N-N-Y! Read a few emails, one of 'em really disappointed me...it's just awful what has happened and what I've done...but really, I didn't expect it to end up this way...THIS IS NOT GOOD AT ALL! What next?..'ve a busy Monday ahead of me...NEVER MAKE PLANS, I always say..cuz' it never works out for me...but this MONDAY, I will be BUSY...no other choice!! haveta' finish this thing that 've started. and....ummm..yea, i was heading somewhere yesterday when this girl came up to me...and started talking like we were friends...is it my HEAD or was she a phoney? well, couldn't be a phoney cuz' she knew my name n stuffs'...'ve been trying to remember who she is..but NOTHING YET!...gosh..my MEMORY SUCKS alrite!...'getting weirder! I rarely see Spanish these days, I think he's busy working or something...hmmm..maybe he'll be around in dashain.................. SaZina and SriZana are doin' Great...I give 'em candies almost everyday...that's the only way I can make Sriz speak in nepali..LoL...they're both darlings...VERY CUTE!... what else?...SamSum's arrival in 2 weeks...and brez dai is coming in OCT too...but new info, I DON'T WANNA STAY...I wanna RUN AWAY!...escape escape to PurgatorY. .....it's so hard to make decisions, so hard to walk the talk, life is hard, had a bad dream yesterday...felt really queasy the whole day... u knw somethin'...I really like the way monk's and nuns' dress...I wonder where Tashi Dolma is...SHE WAS IN HOSTEL WITH ME...SHE WAS A WARRIOR, i bet she still is...she became a nun 7 yrs back..she used to call me once a year...BUt it's been long since she's called...I miss her too!!! Tashi.............. okie..all these thoughts are making me SAD SAD!...I better go... laterz DIARY! -Becky.
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Sept 25, 2005 17:40:04 GMT 6
Post by Becky on Sept 25, 2005 17:40:04 GMT 6
SUNDAY, 25TH SEPTEMBER I had 2 attacks, yesterday night and today after 12...I thought I was going to die...well, it's all better now..I just hope it doesn't return...the pain's more than I can take...phew! I need a hair wash, I need to cheer up, I want cotton candy... ...lol...'m so bored...being sick Sucks!!!....peaches, balloons, flowers....awwwww...lol....anything! hehahah.... ok, 'm home alone and going crazy...will write later. -'becca.
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Sept 30, 2005 12:29:47 GMT 6
Post by Finlip on Sept 30, 2005 12:29:47 GMT 6
I hope it doesn't return and I also hope you see a doctor.
I also hope you cheer up and stop worrying too much.
I wish you every success in life.
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Oct 5, 2005 11:44:06 GMT 6
Post by Becky on Oct 5, 2005 11:44:06 GMT 6
Maria Mena feat. Thomas Dybdahl)-->>So SweetI observe the girl carefully. I try to figure out, what and where did it all went wrong for her. She looks kindda' okay, can dress well, good manners, conscious sometimes, but she handles it well. She can converse well...and the people she talks to, they seem very comfortable with her. IT's very easy for people to know when she's upset and not, cuz' she remains awfully quiet when she's sad. Her eyes expresses it all, her eyes that says it has seen a lot more than anyone is supposed to. She cries sometimes, only sometimes though. I've seen her cry, she doesn't cry like the other girls with full tears, and everything. She cries inside, just 2 drops of tears, and that's all. She's confident, but she hesitates to make moves, for failure and disappointments and doubts has gotten the best of her. She is very kind. I've seen her care for the homeless dogs, and the way she looks at the kids, she is no pretender. Her heart is clear but not serene. I think she seeks guidance from everything and everyone, and she is so vulnerable that she gets hurt easily. I observe her, I try to guide her...and she even listens sometimes, but she just feels that I'm pitying her. She's shy, but never desperate. She's hurt, but hasn't given up. She's lost a lot, but she knows she can find them all. Sometimes when she talks to me, she confesses what's troubling her the most, and her thoughts...and not once she looks away. And when I look into her eyes, it's soooo pure, I can almost hug and cry with her. She still has the childish ways in her, and people say that's what makes her so cute and sweet. I think she never grew up the way the rest of us did. But I also sense a lot of anger in her, I've seen her in her worst moments...like how she raised her voice in pain infront of everybody. The little pot of anger inside her has grown into a BIG BIG POT...and I'm afraid it'll burst someday and cause' a lotta' damage to herself and others. But that's not all, I've seen the cuts and bruises in her hands...doesn't it hurt? I ask her...and she says, the pain inside is much bigger than the physical pain. I don't know what to say to her, she makes me speechless. I just watch her in pain. But when she's happy, it's all a different story. She can be very girlly at times, and she's a spendthrift. She has a good eye for things, the things she possesses, I rarely see it elsewhere. She seeks distraction to ease herself, but she knows that the distraction wouldn't last long, for eventually, she will have to get back to the same old pain. And she really tries not to hurt anybody like she has hurt, but somehow somebody's always influenced, the wrong way. She said that to me the other day. Sometimes, when she disappears...it's like she will never come back again, but then, she surprises me everytime. I love the way she grins, and I really feel sad to see her frowns and her painful eyes. I tell her, everything will be okay, I try to comfort her...but there is nothing I can tell her that she already doesn't know. But she does listen to me intently, like she is hearing 'em for the first time. I know, this girl has a big heart, and one day, she will be a great woman...and everybody who knows her today will be so proud of her, I will too. She inspires me to live another day, and take the challenges confidently. It's all so brutal...but then I look at her, and others...and there's one more reason to move on...to live, to survive. My belief in God has gotten stronger than before. My woes and my problems won't let me think otherwise...I finally see the direction he wants me to follow, and I am busy doing so. Everything happens for a reason? Yes, it does. Where there's a will, there's a way? YES...THERE IS! are older men attractive? Some are...lol...OOPS! a little joke back there, but anyways...thankyou God..thankyou for showing me the way, thankyou for taking care of me and my family...thankyou for giving me hope and support...Thankyou for everything.. It's festivals again, and No YAYS this time. 'Don't feel any excitement...i guess, it's the price of being a grown-up...My new classes will start after Dashain, and I can't wait. I will really work hard, I knw I have the creativity, I wanna top the class. ... It was really soothing talking to Rekh last time, We talked for almost 2 hours on the phone. She's exhausted with the new college, distance, family problems and everything, on top of that, she fears she's pregnant. Usually, it would always be me talking and her listening, but this time, it was her talking and I was listening. So much has changed. She's so innocent, and still trying to get used to her marriage...trying very hard. Babies, family planning and things are so new and still' sounds weird, even to her...for after a while, we were laughing at what we were talking about. and then, the glimpses...she said, reb...is this what we had expected from our lives? had we ever thought we would end up here this way? And then, more memories... What is up next, dunno...but live for the moment that's what I told her...BFF...best friend forever. I wanna pierce my lips, or my eyebrows. so many I wannas..so many if onlys... and yea, no surprise if I wake up tomorrow morning, and scream looking at the mirror, Love those haircuts! LoL also, Panda, I do love you too, you know...one more brother, will hurt nobody! *winks* Happy Dashain to all. love, Becky.
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Oct 5, 2005 12:20:28 GMT 6
Post by Finlip on Oct 5, 2005 12:20:28 GMT 6
Read it all. In the middle I was frightened by the length. But it was nice to read.
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Oct 17, 2005 19:26:41 GMT 6
Post by Becky on Oct 17, 2005 19:26:41 GMT 6
OCT.12th, 7:54 PM >>>One Of Those Crazy Moments Again<<<Dear diary, my body hurts, i scratched my hands all over, i banged my head on the wall, and i poured cold cold water down my head...now the anger's settling down, and 'm thinkin'... what'd i just do??!!!... it's unbearable at times, why does small things, just tiny winy small things matter so darn much? why can't they just ignore it...it gets so f*cked up frustrating at times...man! i wanted to leave 'em suffering...make 'em pay and hurt for what they've done to me...i knw how selfish i can get, and all those thoughts scare me too...but when you blow up, it can't be controlled, just CAN'T BE CONTROLLED~! other thing, i thought this was gonna be easy, and i can handle the stress and everything, but F*CK IT! I CAN'T...TODAY WAS ENOUGH...I CAN'T TAKE THIS SHIT ANYMORE!... phony people everywhere...i can write a whole damn song about it... and pinnochio says, F*CK OTHERS...IT is only about our family!...yea, HELL...it is...he understands that, why can't THEY UNDERSTAND IT!?...now i can't leave 'em alone, sometimes, it's like 'm the arrogant bitch who's taking all their stinky bullshit, and the tolerance level is just about to EXPLODE...but then, i look at the Sorry eyes, and everything..and I MELT, my heart MELTS...DAMN...this whole darn cycle is so hard to get over...is this gonna be this way Forever??? on and off, on and off ON N OFF??? I go psychotic sometimes, like few mins back..and you knw, the scratches, cuts and bruises, it doesn't HURT...nth...NOPE...what i was imagining before was to decorate my face...oh yea, with my very own nails...vertical bloody lines...and present myself to everybody..now the thought was Fantastic up until the psychotic moment...but cool, I'm chilling now.....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ALL CLAMPED-DOWN!! 5 more days, JUST 5 days, ... while keeping my mouth shut, I remembered the story I'd read when i was in 3rd grade,...and I still kept my mouth shut, but it got unbearable..you knw, how it goes...I didn't wanna hear the RAISING-VOICES... Oh SHIT...this is bonkers! now, 'getting really cold, even my underwear is WET...anger's settling down, and head's starting to thud...wish I could get outta' here right now, on a nice nice long long trip...and I wish I had someone who'd make me better... ...*Yawns*... I can write about LIFE the whole night, for I've nth else to do ..'don't wanna see nobody TOO,...Just Darkness, Alone, Cold and MUSIC...Good Combo! Listening to Let Loose's "Crazy For You"...I don't even like the song...but LEtting it play... What is it that I want? What is it that I long for? Sometimes, I wish I were stable...this constant display of whining, change of mind, miserably pathetic complains just SUCKS!... Okay, now there are some cheerful things I can think of, even at this hazy moment. Fav. books when I was a kid, ...one that I very much adored was, THE SECRET GARDEN..what was the little girl's name again?? was it MARY? hmm...Forgot..never been' good at remembering names..but I remember the story alrite..and I STILL ADORE THE BOOK!... the other book I really liked was, LITTLE WOMEN...I guess, this'd be one of the first books that I read..and yea, I loved this one too...I wanted to be LIKe JOE...JOE ROCKED! lol... My fav. author was Enid Blyton...I read almost all of his books..from Secret Seven to Malory towers...to ALMOST EVERY BOOK!...I also liked Sweet VAlley..I'd be more of Jessica, but LoL...Elizabeth was more of my Fav. there.. ...and there was NAncy Drew, and the Hardy boys...Loved' George in Nancy Drew. From Oliver Twist, to Around the World in 80 days, to Wuthering Heights, I've read all those Novels...Gosh! where'd my enthusiasm go??? I USED TO READ A LOTTA' BOOKS!... I'm imitating Meredith Brooks right now, I'm going,.. "I think it's cool, you do what you do..and don't try to save me..I'm a bitch, i'm a lover...i'm a sinner i'm a saint... la la.." FUN FUN... *head's thudding more*...you wanna knw which band irritates me the most? LINKIN PARK! urgh,..don't knw why I can't STand 'em!..buncha' Over-rated chimps! and I think 'm getting 4 more piercings in my ears...I'd really like that. Brez dai is back by now, I bet!...hmmm... an hour has passed since I started writing...goody, I feel better now. It's good to have a diary, and really be able to express feelings...'m getting more emotional by the day, can sense that...and no matter how much hideous I tend to be with myself at times, I am getting tougher too..*ASSSS--holeee...*ASSSSSh-hole...lol...'just remembered the "MEET the FOCKERS" baby..hahah...funny!.. aite, LEt's end this thingy for today, Won't be Cranky now... and if things go well, the next thing I write here will definitely be about what's goin' on around in my life, and the people involved... Princess Nevermore!, -Becky.
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Oct 17, 2005 19:54:08 GMT 6
Post by Finlip on Oct 17, 2005 19:54:08 GMT 6
Yes writing is a great relief. I remember reading about Fatty and his friends though I don't remember much. People like you who read a lot are really smart. I wish I did the same when I was young. Okay, I couldn't buy books when I was younger. But after class six, the school library was great.
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Oct 18, 2005 22:01:42 GMT 6
Post by Becky on Oct 18, 2005 22:01:42 GMT 6
Dashain was OKAY. It was no where near horrible as I had thought it to be. Didn't have to see any phony faces, which was WONDERFUL...and besides, I even enjoyed all the dinners and lunch with the rest of the family. Played cards, games, Tikas' and everything. Still' something felt missing...dunno' what... Pa left for London yesterday. The house seems quiet without him. Momma' is doin' okay. She's a little worried, but she'll do okay, I'll take care of her. But we'll have a hard time taking care of Xena and Buffy..they're spoiled, and they donot AT ALL listen to us. I guess, 'haveta' get used to it too...gotta' teach 'em some lessons! Designing will start from next MONDAY..and I'm thrilled! and the other lesson..I think it will last for 2 more weeks..I have to make a habit of waking up early from tomorrow. Even 7:30 is too early for me, but now that 've to help around the house, I think I will wake up early. maybe at 6:30? hmmm...I'm a lazyAzz! Rekh's not pregnant! I sense the disappoint in her voice...but I think it's for the best for now, she's too weak...I don't think her body can handle a child. Spent the day with Saru today...we talked and talked and talked. Then, I started worrying about momma' being alone at the house, so I came back...I love her, she's very important! What else? Heard an evil omen a few days back, which felt Funny actually..nyways, I'm over it...that thing doesn't matter anymore. I'm proud of myself for that. And I even had a hair cut. Didn't realize how long it was until I had it cut. LoL...nyways, head feels light..and a little change isn't that bad...no more waking up in the morning and screaming lookin' at the mirror. Geez, I don't do that. I don't care what I look like anymore. I'm loving this word, "CONTEMPT"! I feel warm and comfortable with Piggienow. Trust, care, friendship, comfort, happiness, fun, I share a lot with him. I tell him most of the things, but there are some things' that's better left untold, and I guess, it's better that way. He says he's changed, and maybe I do sense the change in him too, He's good. History is dark, present is sensitive and future is dependent on present. That's the way I describe him. He's a smart ass, but sometimes he goes all silly and acts like an idiot. And sometimes I get tired with his over confidence, maybe it's good for him, but letting in a few more other beliefs and trust would do him a lot more better. He has a lot to learn, and I do too. We teach each other about our beliefs, we try to clarify it .. make it easier for us...good thing goin' on. I just hope he doesn't forget all the things and the good changes that has come in him...I really want it to stay in him forever. Dependency ain't good...so something scares me too!..Goooody Gooody Piggie!! IT's getting more chilly, I feel the chill even in the afternoons. My feet says it all...hahah... I need someone to make me better!-Becky.
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Oct 18, 2005 22:04:20 GMT 6
Post by Becky on Oct 18, 2005 22:04:20 GMT 6
Yes writing is a great relief. I remember reading about Fatty and his friends though I don't remember much. People like you who read a lot are really smart. I wish I did the same when I was young. Okay, I couldn't buy books when I was younger. But after class six, the school library was great. Yep, it is!..dunno about this Fatty guy...but works for me! I used to read tons of books..not anymore though... nyways, yea..i even remember those library days...i used to read 3 fat books per day!
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Oct 18, 2005 23:55:42 GMT 6
Post by Finlip on Oct 18, 2005 23:55:42 GMT 6
Fatty is one of Enid Blyton's characters.
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Oct 18, 2005 23:59:26 GMT 6
Post by Finlip on Oct 18, 2005 23:59:26 GMT 6
As always your entry was lovely to read. It wasn't as scary as last time which I think is good.
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Oct 19, 2005 19:05:11 GMT 6
Post by Becky on Oct 19, 2005 19:05:11 GMT 6
lol..scary? ahah...tol ya'..it's just one of those moments, sometimes! LOL...nth to be scared of.. nyways, thanks!
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Oct 27, 2005 19:39:44 GMT 6
Post by Becky on Oct 27, 2005 19:39:44 GMT 6
Something just dropped from my nose...(ewww?) hahah..yea, I have slight fever, bad cough, and running nose. Wallaah! I'm doin' Ok though..last week has been pretty good for me, and I just love my new school...it keeps my head on the right direction, and yea..meeting new people and learning new things is always COOL! I talk to Piggie buddy almost everyday. He's a goody goody buddy, but a few days back, he SCARED THE HELL OUTTA' me!..Thank Goodness, It's all better now!..and he's ABNORMAL AGAIN. Hahaha..For us, Normal isn't Normal at all..hmm, I can't explain why..we're just very comfortable with each other, that much I can say without a "hic" and also, Thanks to Piggie buddy (sarcasm!)..Pathetic came and talked to me, and Goody, the pathetic boy has finally been blessed with a girlFriend..hmm..what more can I say, "just..GOOD LUCK!" Haven't helped momma' much for which I agree, I SUCK!..but besides, she and I have been doing fine. Well, yeah..there are times when I raise my voice at her, and she'd go on for sometime with her silent treatment, but then again...since there's nobody else in the house...and like any other mother and daughter, we Patch up!..yesterday morning, she forgot to turn off the cooker's switch...and last night, we forgot that it was the "WATER INCOMING--NIGHT!" LoL..and yea, taking care of Xena and Buffy is like TAKING care of a 100 uncontrollable kids! and specially since somebody told me that this is their mating season..I am aware that there are 4-5 dogs hovering around my GATES all the TIME! *Geez!* 6 Mnths to go for my BRUTAL TEST, 5 months for Pinnochio's Wedding, 7 months for the Meeting, and whole LOTTA' plans!...2006 will definitely be full of surprises and FUN! PP hasn't called and I suppose he's pissed off at me for some reason, but I ain't gonna' do anything about it, until he makes a MOVE...so, I just am gonna' keep my Peace and Live pleasantly without anyone telling me how irresponsible I have been, and how uncontrollable I am, and blah blah. but I do admit, I miss him. (*slaps herself* ouch!) Rekh called and we talked for a whole 3 and a half hours 2 days back. She told me the full Story on what had happened to her. It is Sad, It is brutal, and It so makes me angry that I cannot BASH that pervert husband of hers, THAT i cannot take his guts out and feed 'em to the crocodiles...IT IS JUST SO SAD, that such a beautiful and talented girl has had to suffer that way. She is not the same person I used to know anymore. This girl has matured, but in the wrong way...she has no fun at all left with her, and now, she doesn't even have a Future. Her body is weakened, her mind totally disturbed, and there is so much for her to mend. Still with a solid determination, she told me.."I will fix everything...now, it will be him who will come after me, he will not get any attention, I will keep my patience, but I willnot jeopardize my future!" If I were her, I would get a Divorce no doubt, and sue that Azzhole for every penny he's got.. but she comes from a society that will ruin her if her marriage BLunders..they will not let her Live. Maybe I will be invited to talk to that azzhole in a few days..and MAYBE..just maybe I would keep my patience, and my hands from hitting him REAL HARD!..(gosh, i wish there was some way...I don't feel she's safe in that shythead's PLace with all that bytch and a PIG for a father-in-law!) argh!!! Still getting used to the thought that my brother's getting married, and I still think he's too young, but I'm happy with whatever makes him happy! 'heard tomorrow's "upatyaka bandha" or something..well, I'd never support those fartmen's causes'..but I can use a day's holiday, I seriously need some peaceful long sleep...*sighs* I really wanna see Nakkli's dance videos, I bet she's very busy too..hmmm...'been a while since we got a chance to talk nicely, but it's Okie..new thingies goin' on with her, and I stand by what I told her, BG BG BG! ..haha.. that's our code language! What else? Haven't had a single drop of alcohol for weeks, and I'm Veggie now!..ofcourse' I still have eggs for breakfast, but I'm taking this slow and easy, 'd really like this veggie thing to go on forever. Not quitting for any health cause or some other thing, I just don't wanna eat another living's meat. Maybe the thought has also been triggered by what my cousin told me...like how chickens, or goats or bulls..they know that they're gonna be beheaded when there's a BIG weapon to chop their head's off...just haveta' look in their eyes, and it says it all. And also, I just can not eat another animal for my hunger..I will never have meat, EVER AGAIN! It's just funny that I will be getting in more of "Angan.." and all those veggie restaurants. 'been too occupied and lazy to write "A tale's " another episode, but I promise..it'll be here by another week..and I might just end it in 2-3 episodes. Piggie's new story "MummiFied" just ROCKS..haha..not only cuz' I'm the main character, but it's just that he is such a good writer...I never tell him how good he is at things..but he knws without me telling him..so it's all cool!. ..and there are also so many of our friends as characters in there..so it's awesome to read!.. and I think my hard work has paid off..the new forum's going on fine, we're still short of frequent visitors..but I like where it has reached now, so that's another "AWESOME" hmm, this much for now.. Roses to myself (lol), Becky. (P.S: PICNIC ON SATURDAY!..not at all EXCITED)
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Oct 29, 2005 3:15:47 GMT 6
Post by Finlip on Oct 29, 2005 3:15:47 GMT 6
I read everything thats here. I'll keep praying for Rekh. Maybe you can write her story in detail.
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Oct 31, 2005 20:23:00 GMT 6
Post by Becky on Oct 31, 2005 20:23:00 GMT 6
hmm..maybe some day,...i just want my mind distracted right now...life's so darn unpredictable!
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Nov 9, 2005 22:27:59 GMT 6
Post by Becky on Nov 9, 2005 22:27:59 GMT 6
Nov. 9th, Wednesday. Most of My months are always shytty cuz' something's always happening...and I'm tired of trying to fix things..but this month, I've been feeling sudden pangs of JEOLOUSY!...OMG! I knw,..this is pathetic, and I've never felt this way...but I'm so hella' feeling all these emotions at the same time, I really don't know what to think and what's goin' on with me. Besides, mess after mess piling on my shoulders...I am so grounded...look at my bills...and I'm so BROKE!...ah...even, Sazina feels sorry for me, I bet...with that running nose of hers...lol...she would just stare and look at me in pity! I seriously need to start looking for a job ! SamSum's back...both looking kale and messy, and Sum just doesn't get tired picking on me. It's like the whole year he had been suppressing his need of picking on someone..and now that he's back, I'M HIS PREY!...but then again, I don't stop there either...beat him real hard on the first day..hahah...that dork!..and he's even trying to tempt me on eating Meat again..no way is he gonna succeed!... But 'm so glad that my buddy is back. Missed him a real real lot. Sam and his issues..I feel very sorry for Anims...she even cried on my shoulders...but I think she'll be OK...even she's gonna leave in a month or so...she got accepted in a Good Uni, full scholarship!...I knw that's cool, but somewhere inside, I feel really sad...I'm gonna miss her a lot. WEll, Sum and I have decided to have this drinking competition or something, he's been braggin me about it ever since he came back, I'll show that dork what i'm made of! hahah... have' really cut down on drinks..but I've started smoking again...not good, I knw!...but let's just take one challenge at a time, ok? *phew! My new school's really cool..Already made neat friends...and I love the art work..IT's just awesome! PA will be back in a week or so I think..and then, I bet we're gonna have this long family talk..prolly about Pinnochio's Marriage..let's see what happens! Nth much, ..I miss the talks with Nakkli...and I miss someone who's fav. quote for now happens to be, F*ck Fear, Drink Beer. yaya..I'm still so very jeolous..hahah..LEttme laugh a few more times at myself... alrite, this much for now. -Becky.
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Nov 10, 2005 11:34:08 GMT 6
Post by Finlip on Nov 10, 2005 11:34:08 GMT 6
I read it but don't call yourself jealous. Haven't you seen how jealous man can be? I wouldn't call you jealous.
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Dec 5, 2005 19:56:20 GMT 6
Post by Becky on Dec 5, 2005 19:56:20 GMT 6
I talk to myself all the time, and this may sound weird, but I even fight with myself...the other me, my consciousness or whatever the hell that talks to me. haha..NOPE, no worries, this is no MPD...I guess, since *u knw what happened when i was a kid*..I've found a way to keep myself strong mentally...and it really works, helps me get through the worst. And I guess, it is better that way...I'm depending on myself, I cheer myself up...and I don't expect anything from anyone. Looking back, I amaze myself on how much I have changed..and I think I kindda' love the way I am today. People may say, I'm harsh, or too emotional, or hyper, or impulsive, and more of that...but I understand myself now...and there are very few people who have such understanding...and I smile for myself...smiling right at the moment too! Yesterday night was our family discussion for Pinnochio's marriage. It is all happening too fast, and both Pinnochio and Pa lost it last night...and I was the peacemaker. Just realised what a real family is, yesterday. After Pa and Ma left, I and Pinnochio talked, like never before...about everything, even when we were in hostel and how we had nobody to take care of us, and how those 3 years changed us both, mentally, spiritually and everything. The conversation went on for 4 hours. Long time, I knw! but it did us both good...I had to clear out the misunderstanding on what will happen after he gets married...you knw, don't want us ending up as enemies or full of misunderstandings. Yesterday was wonderful, and I realised more that my family is the most important thing in the whole world, and nobody will ever take that place...nobody will be as important!! Bishu is so insistent..he totally brain-washed me today. So I think I will fill the forms for the PKr trip. Anu is happy as she was excited from the beginning...well, I think a little holiday will do me good too..so yep, I'M GOING!... but before that, so many things coming up next week..like after 10 days there is the face painting competition, and I've signed my name there (bishu ji le FORCE GARERA YO NI!) and then, i've to develop pics of my room, and give my room a new look as the project says. I think that one's due on this 'Friday. Plus, I've to start my second project...I got an A minus on the first one, and i'm not happy about it...and today, I checked this guy's 2nd project, it was...I WAS SPEECHLESS...lol...no way can I beat that...that was just flawless! my god! I just grinned at the guy and walked outta' the room. heheh... There's just too much going on. I've decided to design the wedding invitation card, and 'm also designing a really neat dress for myself, something with cool colours..NO REDS, OR PINKS FOR ME!...I'm thinking more of purple, green and blue..so let's see what 'll come up with!..and you knw something, I miss my curly hair..lol...I know how picky I am, but hey, I JUST KNOW WHAT I WANT! ..*giggles* Sum left today, and hell! I am gonna' miss that guy so much..but he's promised me that he'll write every week. That's something to look forward to., and yeah..Anm called today...she sounded awfully excited...hehhe, well, I'm gonna miss her hella' lot too...but she's there for her future, and I wish her all the happiness in the world! PP has been trying to reach me, I know that. lol..but bad luck for him, Pa always picks up the phone. Last time, I acted awful...we were talking, and all of a sudden the connection died, and I knew he was gonna' call again, but I just kept the phone busy..I don't know why do that to the people who really love and care about me. I don't even feel guilty, you knw..but hey, I do care about the guy...and I'll be there for you always, PP..."I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU..WHEN YOU NEED SOMEBODY..I'LL BE THERE....WHEN YOU WANT SOMEONE WHO CARES, WHEN YOU'RE DOWN AND FEELIN' BLUE, 'LL BE THERE...I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU, WHEN YOU CALL ME I'LL BE THERE..."...hahah..The moffatt's song just popped in my head.. My Cd player is a goner, and my PC is on the verge of a complete breakdown. haha..I am so careless with things..and now I'm laughing about it...Well, can't live without music so 'm keeping my discman very safe until my cd player and PC is fixed..lol..(will I even get it fixed??) nyways, Life's been pretty good, and I feel good that I've come to my senses, I feel 10 years older than I already am..and for some people, it may be devastating..but I LOVE IT!.. This is freaky, but Mun, Anu, San, and MY birthday's, they're all in the same month...!...and we've planned this day-out to celebrate it...it's gonna' be so cool..I know my best friends aren't here anymore..but my new friends are really nice, and I like hanging out with 'em.. I've finally decided I'll go meet Al. He's gonna' leave soon, and he's sick, and he's sorry, and has been apologizing and stil' going on. I'll give him a break, he's a friend or was a friend after all!..so it's his day that he wants to celebrate, yea sure..i'll be a part of it! I don't know if I really care or not...but somehow I feel this is something I should do!.. I'm not at all embarrased about the past events, come to think about it, it's hilarious..and how pathetic I act sometimes, drinking does NO GOOD..but it does make me do a lotta' things I wouldn't do when I'm sober. Life goes on...and I've pain in my tummy...and I hope it's not cancer...cuz' somebody said, that my drinking will possibly lead to stomache cancer...LOL...SCARY SHYT!...Oh God, protect me!! Nakkli's doing good, and I'm really proud of her as always...that girl is so talented...YOU ROCK, GIRL! I know you can DO IT..!! Remember, I pray for you always!! It's really cold tonight, and my stomache's grumbling...I'll make myself a tasty soup, and get back to my project... alrite, this much for now!! Take care, friends of mine! -Becky.
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Dec 5, 2005 19:58:35 GMT 6
Post by Becky on Dec 5, 2005 19:58:35 GMT 6
I read it but don't call yourself jealous. Haven't you seen how jealous man can be? I wouldn't call you jealous. ;D
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